I'm so Hollywood

Hola Chicos and Chicas! Wow, my Spanish IPOD courses are really paying off!

My roommate search has gained a little momentum. I had a 30-something Asian chick come check out my place on Saturday morning. So I spent all of Friday cleaning and trying to "gay" up my place to make it look like less of a bachelor pad. Basically I just ended up cleaning the place and making it spotless.

I was too tired to do the suggested things like candles, flowers, potpourri, men dressed in leather and bondage, etc. Since she is originally from Japan, I thought about maybe having a selection of sushi and sake sitting out. Or perhaps asking her to take her shoes off. I tried to have my Wii visible, though maybe I should have bought Dance Dance Revolution to seal the deal. Dammit! Afterthoughts. She seemed to like the place and said she got a good vibe off of me. She then bowed to me and I sumo wrestled her in response... hehe...ok I think I got out most stereotypes.

So after that, my roommate and I then had to play the waiting game. She told us that she was going to look at more places on Sunday and would get back to me then. It was like an audition. She told us we did a great job and put us on hold, so we sit around waiting to get that call to tell us we booked the gig! Well we didn't get any phone call. I emailed her and she emailed me back last night and told me that she still had a couple more places to see today and would let me know. The waiting game continues...

However, I did line up some other prospects. A couple of other guys are coming by tonight to check out the place. Hopefully someone decides to say yes soon, so I can stop stressing about moving and have someone lined up. I think the Japanese girl would be cool as a roommate, because I would love to go back to Japan to visit, so I'd have someone who I could go with. And in exchange, I can take her to Tijuana or something...ok maybe not quite an equal trade...

This is how I know I'm getting old. I spend all Friday cleaning. Was supposed to go do Karaoke Friday night. Fell asleep at 8pm and was out for the night. Then on Saturday I had a friend wanting to come hang out at 2am after she got off work at a strip club. I was like damn, how am I going to stay up til 2am! 10pm hits and I'm like ok, I'll take a nap and wake up at 1am. I sleep through my alarm and she calls me at 2 to see if she can come over. I'm like ehh...I'm sleeping, lets reschedule for next week. It's 2am! I'm not 27 anymore geez! Ahhh...I'm old... :(

On Friday, I met with a bankruptcy lawyer because I'm going to file for bankruptcy (duh!). I met the lawyer and was like oh my god, she is so beautiful! She's this Persian chick, extremely beautiful. I love Persian girls, I think they are hot! Too bad I have no shot since she's rich and she knows that I'm poor. It's never good to have someone look at your paycheck and say "Oh yeah, you could make 3 times what you make now and still file for bankruptcy with no problem." I'm like yeah...I'm poor...boobies...what? Bankruptcy will be pretty nice, it'll give me a fresh start. All of my credit card debt will be erased. So the $500 I put towards credit cards each month will now be able to go into my pocket and the g-strings of strippers. hehehe

I won't be filing til mid-september, so I'm enjoying my credit while I have it. The lawyer costs $1200 for everything, which isn't bad considering I'm getting 33K in debt erased. I just have to come up with $1200 in cash. I was like so...will you take credit card as payment???? :)

I have two lawyers now. TWO LAWYERS in 1 month! I'm soooo Hollywood now! haha It's crazy how one mistake has caused so much trouble. But I'm hoping this bankruptcy will help me recover and get things back on track. With the money I'm saving on credit cards, I can rebuild my savings, travel, afford to buy healthy groceries to lose weight. No more stress about money. My scooter will be paid off, so will my bail and other legal fees from earlier. I just can't buy a house for awhile. But this is LA, so I didn't have any plans to do that anyway. If I make a ton of money, I'll just buy the house cash right? haha

Great comments btw! You guys each wrote comments almost as long as my blog! lol

Comment Responses:

Bobby: I agree with getting back to the basics. Losing my credit cards will be a good thing, because it'll teach me to live more within my means. I've been living my life as a rich balla...even though I'm not. haha

Gladys: I'm NOT GUILTY...so I'm not a criminal. So you can visit! :) She told me all the info on bankruptcy and I absorbed most of the info...but it was hard to not be distracted by her hottness and my erection....

Olia: I'm going to stick in LA for three years, then I'll come to Texas so I can date your step-daughter. It's now my goal for you to be my mother-in-law. lol

Tony: I wish I had any extra money to make a real estate investment, especially now when things are cheap. My parents are visiting me in October and I will hopefully come down as soon as the charges get dropped. Haha, I have been charging. I spent $444 at costco, including a $95 bottle of Patron. And I'm taking my car in this week and telling them to fix everything!

Tamara: haha, thanks Team Mom! When are you coming to visit me? And you better actually see me this time!

And the final decision is....

Thanks everyone for your advice/opinion/feedback/STD's.

I talked to my mom for a long time yesterday and came to the conclusion that it's best for me to stay in LA and stick it out. I was like what! You don't want me to come home! :( Now I know what the refugees in Africa feel like! haha. I even have the matching potbelly right now.

Naw, it wasn't that I wasn't welcomed to come home. The main factor is my job. With the job market how it is, there's no guarantee that if I moved to Texas I would find a job right away and be able to start paying down my debt and most likely I wouldn't find a job that pays what I make now. Plus, in a year, when it's time to move back, who knows how hard it'll be to find another job. So it's best to stick around and keep the job I have now. I will however, most likely file for bankruptcy to help clear my debt. Who needs to buy a house in the next 7 years anyway right? I am meeting with a bankruptcy lawyer on Friday to see what my options are.

Sooo...the search for a roommate continues. I've revamped my listing in hopes of attracting someone. I now appear as a sexually obsessed Playboy model/stripper. Granted the guys may be disappointed when they show up to see the place and instead of Cashmere, I show pop out in a thong and nipple clamps, but hey, I can shake my moneymaker and win them over. :)

Otherwise, I'll just put in my 30 days notice at the end of the month and look for either a sublet or my own apartment. I've never actually had my own apartment before, I've either lived with a roommate or girlfriend, so it'll be interesting. I'll be looking forward to being able to walk around naked and not receive glares from my roommate and his friends/family. Maybe I can get a place with a pool, so I can finally get rid of these damn tan lines I have around my junk. Ahhh, nothing worse than pale junk, am I right ladies? Huh? Huh? Hello?

Another reason to stay is I don't want to risk moving home and procrastinating on coming back like many of you said. I also don't want to be the guy living at home still. haha writing my name on the orange juice... "Hey! Who drank my OJ! Dammit! Are we out of cereal mom?" It'll also make it awkward to bring the numerous ladies that I usually pull (stop laughing!) home for some mind blowing...video game playing?...I mean sex! Yeah mind blowing sex!


Comment Responses:

Tishara: Yes! I'm back to blogging! Your life is complete again! :)

Aron: Whoa whoa whoa... Army basic training???? Are you serious? You were in the army? Did you stay in the army or did you "tell" and get kicked out? lol And I agree, I can't have people thinking I failed in LA. We are so LA now, it's all about appearances haha.

Tony: Hookers are cheap??? Hmm...do they take credit cards? I have to use it now so that I can get it wiped off later with bankruptcy haha.

Gladys: Good advice Gladys. I agree with you and will stay. But you have to come visit me in LA. Deal?

Kathleen: I wish I could follow your path and move to Europe for a long time. You'r e my idol! No seriously, I envy you! Please adopt me and take me with you :)

Tamara: Nice sentence at the end. You should write fortune cookies ;) But yes, I agree with you about the job market. You sound like my mom! haha You both are wise in your old age lol jk ;)

Should I stay or should I go?

Hey hey,

So I gathered up the motivation to make it to the gym yesterday. I went to my favorite bootcamp class...well formerly favorite. Usually we warm up with some laps in the basketball court and other cardio exercises. Breaks a sweat, but nothing I can't handle.

Yesterday was different. I hadn't been to a bootcamp class in over a month or so, and things definitely changed. The teacher was like ok, so you guys know what to do, head outside and run up the bridge across the freeway and back three times. I started to laugh thinking he was kidding. Then people started running out and I was like whaaaa??? The class was packed with hot girls, so I found the one with the nicest ass and started running behind her. I tried to use her ass as a carrot to keep me moving.

Oh My God! The run up the bridge was a bitch! I was dying. What made things worse was that the biggest guy in the class high fived me, like we were on the same level. Noooo, how did this happen? I used to be in better shape. I was haven't been the out of shape guy in class in a long ass time! And that's when it happened. The worst possible thing that could happen... He passed me running. Noooo! I was in last place. I hate last place. I used to be a running back dammit! And to make things worse, my knee started hurting so I had to start walking :(

Then back in class, we had to do 50 push ups, because 5 assholes showed up late. Finally I had to walk out after 30 minutes because I was still so worn out from that run. It was a long ass run too, at least 10 miles...or maybe 1 mile...but the details aren't important... I left class for the first time ever, because I was about to throw up from being so tired. I haven't worked out at this weight in years and it's really hard. I'm not used to being this big and out of shape. So now I'm motivated to work out again and get back into shape. For the first time in my life, my knee started hurting. I've never had knee problems before, but I can only assume it's because of the extra weight I'm carrying around. Well junk food, we had a good run, but now I must give you up...(tear)

Now onto more serious matters. Life decisions to make.

My roommate Chris is moving out and the roommate search isn't going too well. Not many people are responding to my ads and those who do, don't follow up to come see my place. So at the end of the month, I'll have a difficult choice to make.

I'll have to put in my own 30 day notice which sucks because I really love my place. It's nice, huge and perfect for having people over. Plus I hate moving because I got so much crap.

So I'll have to decide to move back to Texas Sept 1st and move home. Or try and find my own place to live in LA, which will be hard since I lost all my savings in legal fees, so I don't have anything saved up for a security deposit. It sucks because I'll have to end up paying basically what I pay now for a smaller, crappier place.

I'm torn as to what to do. If I move to Texas, it would be for a year. I can save on rent by living at home. I can pay down my debt so that I don't have to declare bankruptcy. I can learn film editing and photoshop as skills to bring back to LA in order to make money off of. I can also get back into stand up comedy. And hopefully, when I move back, I can bring my best friend Kiyo with me.

The con is obviously leaving LA, putting my dream on hold. Possibly missing out on future acting projects. Having to pay for a move to Texas. And quitting my job which, though it sucks, still pays enough for my bills and with the economy how it is, who knows what kind of job I'll be stuck with when I move back.

If I stay in LA, I'll have to probably put most of my stuff into storage and sublet a room until I can save enough for my own apartment. I'm not a fan of living by myself because it's nice to have a friend around and splitting the bills is nice. Plus right now, I can easily see myself becoming a hermit cuz things suck so badly. However, I'll still have my job and will still be doing acting, so something big can always happen which will get me out of debt and enough money to afford my own place.

So I don't know what to do. I HATE! Absolutely HATE! moving, so it sucks either way. I planned on being at my place for a long time, so I have everything set up at my place how I want it.

What do you guys think I should do? Should I stay or should I go? If I find a roommate last minute, then I'll definitely stay. This is all based on if I don't find a new roommate. AND the move to Texas IS NOT permanent. I'd leave all my stuff here because I'd move back in a year. I refuse to be one of those people who move home and never come back and give up on their dreams.

Not a funny blog, more of a feedback blog. Give me your input/advice.


Comment Responses:

Ed: Hey, if you tell me the plan, I'll become your poster boy for weight loss. Screw the tv show, I need to drop the weight.

Rykien: What's your blog? And yeah, you have to be careful of strippers. I'm sure I've paid many of their rents :(

Tony: Haha, yeah I'll be sure not to use that line in West Hollywood.

Tamara: Well I can be a bad boy or take care of them, not both, cuz I found out it's expensive to be a bad boy. :(

Gladys: You crashed into a tree? I'm going to call you George of the Jungle. lol Watch out for that treeeeee!

Aron: haha yeah, use it at the post office, but probably not the airport, they'll arrest you.

I'm Gangsta!

Hey peoples,

Wow, looks like I kept my word about doing these blogs again. If only I could keep my word about wearing condoms...sigh...

Wouldn't it be funny if I stopped this blog after that last line? No? ok...

Sorry about tagging people on the Facebook note last time. I only do it for attention and to get readers and because I'm a blog whore. And so umm...yeah, sorry again for tagging you all on this one too. hehehe I'm so rotten!!! I like when my mom says I'm rotten. It's like the mom version of calling me an asshole.

I brought my gym clothes to work today, so it looks like I'll be getting back into the gym. Or more likely I'll be going back home with some clean gym clothes...sigh...I've lost my working out motivation.

I've turned into quite the butterball over the last month. With the stress of everything happening, plus plumping up to hopefully be on the weight loss show, I've become quite rotund... I think I used that word correctly. I'm very juicy...at least according to the new sweatpants I'm wearing that says "Juicy" on the butt...hehe... But yeah, if I don't get on the workout show then I'm screwed! I'll have to lose weight the old fashioned way... yep...lots of meth.

Here's something interesting I've found out. Telling ladies that you have a case against you and were in jail...kind of a turn on to them. I guess it's part of the bad boy thing. So yes, I've been using that line quite a lot lately. Even when it doesn't fit into the conversation. They'll be like "Ooh, I want to see Bruno." And I say, "Yeah, when I was in jail we watched a lot of movies all day." Or "I want to go to Europe." and I'll say, "Yeah, hopefully these charges get dropped so I can travel again..." or "I love the new season of Entourage." and I'll say, "Yeah, I'm glad I didn't get raped in jail..." yeah, I didn't say it always made sense...haha

It also works with guys. I can look like a tough guy without having to actually fight. For example, "Man, I'd kick that guy's ass if I wasn't out on bail..." haha, it's like having instant street cred. I just hate when they ask how long I was in jail. I'm like uh...12...They say "years? months? days?" umm...no...12 hours...but man, it felt like a WHOLE DAY! I was about to go crrraaaaazy! haha

As you may or may not know, I've gotten deep into debt as a result of legal and stripper fees. My whole mentality has changed. Before I was careful about spending money because I was working on getting out of debt. Now I'm like what's an extra $300 going to hurt when I'm 30K in debt? There's no way for me to get out of debt on my own, I have to book some big gigs or win the lottery or get a rich sugar mama. So if you know any rich ladies...send them my way! I may not rock their world, but I'll gently nudge it some! :)

Well that's all I have for today. I can tell I'm still rusty. Things aren't flowing as easy, just like when I try to pee when I wake up with morning wood. Writers block! I need something interesting to happen to talk about! Not much interesting happens when you sit at home all weekend getting high...errr...on life... :) Someone take me out so I can have something to write about!

Comment Responses:

Ed: First off, thank you for listening to the directions and commenting on blogspot! And I'll make you cry from laughter in the future at some point.

Rykien: Also thanks for commenting on blogspot. And yes, damn those past lives of ours fucking it up for us today!

Gladys: We should do another co-blog!

Rene: If you didn't pee when you sneezed so much, then maybe we could have been homies in high school. But the wetting problem was kind of a turn off... ;)

Holly: Deal!

Albert: hahaha, so if I'm Samantha then who would you be?

Olia: 1- We all know I've always been shameless. It's the only way to make it in LA. 2. hahaha well congrats on jeans half full, mine are 1 1/2 full lately :( 3. Your awesome too!

Amir: Thanks man...I really have nothing funny to respond with to that :( Thanks for killing my comedy... haha jk

Tamara: Oooh, my blog may be more interesting if I take it to Texas, then it'll be a whole concept about working to get back to LA...hmmm...interesting...

Tony: I'm bloggin!

Why Hello Again

Hello everyone!

It's been quite some time since I blogged on this site. I used to blog on here way back when I was starting to make it as a comedian. I then switched over to blogging strictly on my myspace site. If you never read my blogs there, I highly recommend you check them out at myspace.com/stanfordcomic. At one point I was doing a daily blog and not to brag...ok, well to brag a little, but many of them are quite funny.

Unfortunately, for now I'm not comfortable blogging on Myspace anymore. I may or ahem...may not... work for that site... And the management there decided to take an interest in what I was writing as opposed to...I dunno...doing their job and trying to prevent Facebook and Twitter from taking over and kicking Myspace's ass leading to hundreds of people being layed off?? Just a thought...

So I will start posting back on blogspot or blogger.com, I'm not quite sure what it is right now. I'll also post it in my Facebook for a little bit to get people interested in reading them. Please forgive me for starting off slow, I'm a little rusty...it's been awhile... oh wait, that's the speech I give before having sex with a chick... I'm so used to giving it that it just comes out at random times...kind of like my penis... :)

Here's the rules of the blog:

1. I encourage comments on my blog. Comments motivate me to write because it shows me that people are reading. If you comment on blogspot, even if you don't sign up for an account and do it under anonymous, please still sign your name in your comment. In the next blog, I will respond to your comment, so that's why I need to have a name to respond to. See, how that works?

2. You must read my blog naked. I don't know why...it just is more fun that way... plus I write my blogs naked, so it makes me feel more connected to you guys. Though it does get awkward when I'm writing my blog at the library, starbucks, or the old people's home... not awkward for me, but whoever's lap I'm sitting on.

3. Feel free to say anything you want, but don't diss each other in your comments. You can diss me, because I can handle it and I can dish it, but leave others alone.


Well now that we got the ground rules out of the way, lets ease our way into this bitch.

The past few months have been pretty hard on me. Actually the worst time of my life. I've gotten into some legal trouble which I will talk about after the said legal trouble has been dismissed. I've lost the girl I was in love with. I've lost my savings as a result of legal trouble. I've gone deep into debt. I'm losing my roommate who is also one of my best friends and as a result, may lose my kick ass place in Studio City if I can't find a new roommate soon. I've gained a bunch of weight as a result of all the stress I've been dealing with. I just found out one of my good friends Cain Lopez, who was a hilarious comedian, passed away from cancer. I was almost layed off from work. My car is falling apart. And my acting has seriously stalled. I keep making it to the final callback and then not booking it, which is more frustrating than not getting a callback at all.

So yeah, life really sucks right now. I'm even considering moving home to Texas for a year in order to help get out of debt and get back into stand up comedy. The next month will determine what I do. Most of it depends on if I get a roommate or not and if I get on this weight loss show or not.

Maybe I ran over a litter of puppies in my past life or something, because my luck right now is horrible. Everytime I think I've hit a new low, I get knocked down with something else. I've realized that I'm irritated by "glass half-full" people or people who always say "well it could be worse" or "be thankful for what you have." Here's the problem with that. When I say it could be worse, it THEN GETS WORSE! Or if I'm thankful for something, I THEN LOSE THAT SOMETHING! So stop telling me that you Dr. Phil wannabes! haha

Ok, well now that I got all that off my chest, I promise I'll keep future blogs light hearted, funny, and heavy on my wanting to have sex with girls, just like in the good ol' days when I blogged on Myspace.

I'm really hoping that if I move to Texas, right before I move, I book something big and "make it" as an actor. Then I can be one of those cliche actors who go on talk shows and am like yeah, I was about to leave LA and go home, but then I booked "Lost" and am now rich, famous, and getting laid like craaaaazy!

I can't wait to sleep this weekend. I've been having to get up in the middle of the afternoon everyday this week. I had an audition for a CBS sports commercial, then the next day I had the callback to go to and then the next day I finally got my scooter back. And trust me, the CBS commercial is nothing to be excited about. It's nonunion and doesn't pay much. It'll barely pay for a happy ending at a massage parlor...I mean so I heard...hehe...

Well I think this will be a good ending place for now. I'm going to start writing numerous blogs throughout the week, Mon-Friday, so be sure to check back often and read the newest blog if you're interested. I got all the depressing stuff in my life out of the way, so it'll be better from now on...hopefully...

OH YEAH! I learned something important yesterday. Never start sneezing while your peeing midstream! It makes quite the mess! :)

Till next week!