My First Radio Appearance

Well, I've officially been welcomed to Los Angeles. My car was broken into and my radio and CD's were stolen. It's ironic I think, that I get my radio stolen on the same day that I made my first radio appearance.

The stupid theifs even left the butter knife that they used to pry out the radio in my car. My mom was like you should have the police dust it for prints. I'm like yeah, I could if I was in Alabama. I don't think it will be a very high priority in LA where they have thousands of unsolved murders that they are either trying to solve or cover up. I don't think a little car stereo will get much attention. Plus I've seen how LAPD have handled other cases like OJ and Robert Blake. I think I'd have a better chance of getting my case solved by Nancy Drew. With my luck they'll mishandle it and I'll end up going to jail for Nicole Simpson's murder.

So that really sucked getting my car messed up. I don't mind losing the stereo because it wasn't too expensive and could be easily replaced. I'm pissed that they messed up my middle console on my car. Hopefully I can fix it myself since I don't have money to fix it. I had parked it across the street down the street in front of the ghetto Mexican apartments. So that is my fault. I should be more racist and stay away from ghetto Mexicans. Now I know.

The radio show went great. It was on XM Satellite radio on XM 169 "The Power" on a show called "TMI" (Too Much Information) with Alvin Jones. It went great. I did 12 minutes of material and then interviewed with him. Overall, I was on for 45 minutes. I had a great time. Alvin Jones is a great host and we really clicked. I was a little nervous at first, being that it was my first time. But eventually I got comfortable. It was a surreal experience performing through a phone and then trying not to be self-conscience (sp?) about your voice, because who knows how many people all over the United States was listening. Hopefully I did well and got some good publicity out of it. Nobody I know has XM radio yet, so nobody was able to listen and tell me how I did, but I will be getting a copy from Alvin, so I'll let you guys know how it sounds when I hear it. But it was a great experience and I'm glad I did it. Now I must go fix my car :(

Puppies

This week has been pretty hectic. On Monday, I drove to the Bay Area to do an audition on Tuesday for the lead in this feature film called One Way to Valhalla. Can't say it went as well as I would have hoped. I didn't get much positive response from the director. I don't think I really looked like they character they were going for. The character's name is Glenn, so that kind of tipped me off that they wanted a white guy. And the character was in his early 30's. Don't know if I can pull that off considering i'm 24. Plus the last time I auditioned for this casting director a couple of months ago, it was for a character that was 17 years old. So I'm reading for 17 year olds and 30 years olds. I guess they don't put characters in their 20's in movies anymore. If I get the role, it will be a serious shocker. Plus it means I'll have to go through with selling my soul. What can I say, I'm a man of my word.

My dog Bling Bling ended up having puppies as soon as I got back from the Bay Area. Another teenage mother, how sad. What can I say, the little slut takes after me I guess. She had four puppies. They look like little hamster rats. I call them the Rat Pack, because yes, I am just that clever. Is it sad, that out of instict, when the babies came out I was saying "I hope they don't look like me." That would be hard to explain to the girlfriend. "But baby, I was drunk one night and lonely. She kept sniffing me. One thing led to another. Apparently what happens in Vegas DOESN'T stay in Vegas."

Thursday I did a show and a lady was there to watch me perform. I was a little nervous, being that it was my first time performing as a topless showgirl. But being the performer that I am, I pulled it off to rave reviews. My boobs had the perfect jiggle that night.

Actually it was a comedy show, which made my showgirl performance a little awkward. The lady was a producer who was scouting Latino comedians for Fox DVDs. She was impressed and said she really liked me. So hopefully that will lead to some work and MONEY, which I need desperately. The donkey shows just don't pay like they used to.

Next week I have an audition for this new sketch comedy tv show on SiTV. The producer saw me perform already, so he liked me and wanted me to come in. Hopefully I do well. I have to develop three characters and do a minute each for the characters. I'm a little nervous because I don't know how well I would do with sketch comedy. I did a sketch comedy show in college, but this is professional. I just hope I do well and get a chance to be on a tv show. It would really be great and a huge career boost. Being that I have no career now, any gig is considered a career boost.

Besides that, not much else is going on. I didn't get the anti-smoking commercial I auditioned for a couple of weeks ago. I thought I had a great chance at it, because I was funny in the audition. I guess asking "Does anti-smoking mean just anti-cigarettes or anti-marijuana too?" wasn't the best idea. Oh well, live and learn.

Spanish as a Second Language

Well, it's finally happened. I have been turned down from an audition by a casting director because I am not fluent in Spanish. I knew this day would come, but to finally have it come is depressing and pisses me off.

Why does Hollywood think that if there is a Latino character in a production, they have to speak Spanish. Why can't there just be a regular Latino character who speaks English. Hollywood doesn't get reality and the fact that there are a lot of Latinos out there who are regular everyday people like White and Black people. We don't all go around speaking Spanish everywhere, we're not mostly the stereotypical immigrants and cholos. Why does every normal role where a person plays a school teacher, or a lawyer or a college student have to be a white or black actor? Latinos can play more than just the stupid stereotype character roles.

So I'm already limited by the number of roles that are out there for Latinos, which is very little. It shrinks even more when the roles that ARE for Latinos require you to speak fluent Spanish. Add to the fact that a lot of Latino roles are for fast food commercials, which don't want overweight actors, and I'm screwed. McDonalds had no trouble helping me get big, but now they want to turn their backs on me, bastards. Don't let me catch Ronald McDonald in an alley somewhere. I'd go "Cholo" on him. Then maybe I could get a cholo gig.

So I've decided to sell out and really try to learn Spanish. I now watch two hours of Spanish TV every day. I watch this show called "Laura" which is like a Spanish version of Jerry Springer, except they actually show the fighting. So far, it seems like every show is about a guy who has been cheating and they have a security guard holding him in a chair and every girl they bring out goes and beats on him, but the guy can't do anything because he's being held down. It's pretty messed up. I wish someone would beat up on Laura, now that would be funny.

After Laura I watch this show called "al Rojo Vivo" which is like Entertainment Tonight. The host is HOT. I don't know what the majority of the things they say mean, but I don't mind cuz I can watch the women on the show all day. Watching will hopefully help me be able to mimic a Spanish accent, and it for sure helps con mi ereccion ;) shwing!

So this post was my therapy. I needed to vent my frustrations. This past month I did have my first audition from my agent. It was for a FOX promo for a new show that is like American Idol but for dancing. They wanted bad dancers to look stupid on the promo. I did some of my worst dancing and didn't get the gig, so I will take that as a compliment. I guess I'm just too good of a dancer. And props to my homeboy Kiyo, who I stole a move from called the Pepper Grinder. Basically you pretend to be using a pepper grinder. I did some other stuff but will post about it later, because I think that if I tell people I end up jinxing myself.

So thanks for reading, sorry it wasn't funny, but sometime a guy has to vent.