Robert the Grown Up!

Heyyyyy Bloggeritos!

It's been awhile. But my blogs have been getting some attention lately, and we all know how much of a whore I am for attention...so I'm back bitches!

Well it's official. Robert is growing up into a grown up. Soon I'm going to have to do grown up things like be responsible. I'll have to go do things such as buy life insurance, wear ties, carry a briefcase, use condoms...gahhh...being a grown up sucks!

I even started drinking coffee this week. I had my first cup of coffee at work Sunday night. I've never liked the taste of coffee but being the forgetful doofus that I am, I forgot my cocaine at home sitting next to the dead hooker on my bed...I mean the "allegedly" dead hooker on my allegedly "bed" (whew totally covered myself there) and needed something to keep me awake at work. So I had my first cup of coffee. I know, many people can't believe that I'm 22 years old (hehe) and haven't had a single cup of coffee. But it's true. I've never had the need to drink it before. I might be addicted to it now. I've had 3 whole cups this week! Hopefully I don't get addicted to coffee like all those years in elementary school when I was addicted to crack. It was so embarrassing being a 10 yr old chubby crackhead! I'm going to buy me a coffee maker tomorrow and learn how to make coffee. I feel like such a grown up now!

As a grown up, I also did my first jury duty service. I tried to get excused when I first got there for financial distress but was quickly rejected by the chick at the courthouse. She rejected me so quickly that by reflex I wondered if she thought I was asking for sex. She was a fat black chick too, so I had planned on flirting with her and showing a little ballsack but didn't even get a chance to unzip before being rejected. So I got put into the jury pool for a criminal trial for some gangbanger who was selling guns. He was guilty but I decided if they forced me to be on the jury I was going to say Not Guilty in hopes of sleeping with his hot latina lawyer. I've seen Boston Legal...I know how this works...

In the jury room they have computers you can use to go online. I tried to go to a porn site in hopes of getting kicked out, but they have the porn sites blocked. Cockblockers! The trial that I could have been placed on was going to last 5 days. That's 5 days of missed work making $15/day. There's no way I could do that and still pay my rent. It's so ridiculous that they expect people to be able to take a financial hit like that. My job doesn't pay jury duty, so I would be shit out of luck. When it came time for me to tell about myself I talked about how I was arrested last year and not treated well by the cops, thinking this would for sure get me excused. It didn't! The judge was like well those were Long Beach cops, I'm sure you have no problem with these cops since they are LA cops. I wanted to yell LA cops are worse! And a cop is still a cop no matter what city they're in. Putting a different badge on an asshole doesn't change the asshole.

Luckily the defendant took a plea bargain and they let us go home on the 2nd day. I made $15 from jury duty because they don't pay you for your first day of service. I spent $13 on breakfast and lunch that I had to buy there. So I made $2. On top of that, they were on my days off last week! Boooo justice system!

What else is happening...

My social life has been really good lately. I've been going out a lot. And if you don't believe me, please refer to my account balance of $1.66 that I have right now...I'm going to have to start saving up for my Vegas trip in August. Strippers aren't going to tip themselves, am I right ladies? fellas? yeah? yeah?

I went to a bikini bar recently in Hollywood called Golddiggers. The first hint of how ghetto-ly awesome this place was, is when we walked in the bouncer didn't even say anything to us or check our IDs. Then I walked in and it was like I was transported into a dingy Tijuana strip club circa 1995. It was awesome! The girls were drugged out hoodrats. They didn't strip, just wore bikini's. One by one they'd straggle up on stage, put their CD into the stereo (yes no DJ and they used CDs) and then walk over to the stripper pole and half ass a dance which was basically rubbing their ass up and down the pole. I absolutely loved it! I LOVE ghetto dive bar places where you never know if you're going to leave with a stab wound or hepatitis. I didn't spend very much time there, but plan to go back with Kiyo and will return with a full report.

I also went to this club in Silver Lake where they were having some kind of Tribe Called Quest theme night to celebrate their music or something. I don't really understand the point of that since they weren't ACTUALLY THERE! And I doubt they were busy that night, so they could have at least made an appearance! I walked into the dance room and it was like a sauna in there. I've never been to a club that was SOOOO HOT! I was wearing an undershirt and a scarf and instantly had to go to the restroom and strip down to 1 t-shirt. I was soaked with sweat because it was so hot in there. For $15 cover, the bastards could have turned on some A/C dammit! Everybody was soaked with sweat. It was 90% black people too. So the place smelled like a combination of funk and melted cocoa butter.

BTW, I've been having trouble sleeping. So thank you to everyone who has been posting statuses on the World Cup. They were boring enough to put me right to sleep! :) Let me give you my opinion on socc...snoooore....snooorrre....sorry I fell asleep just thinking about it...where was I...

Oh yeah, so Robert's a grown up now...and yes, I will now refer to myself in first person...oh wait, I messed it up...I mean Robert messed it up...wait... I've...Robert's confused himself...nevermind...

I'll blog more and maybe next time, I may just make it funny...cuz I don't think this blog came off very funny at all. Ohh well, you get what you pay for people! :) teeheehee