MTV's YO MOMMA

Well I just got back from filming Yo Momma.

There were five of us, three black guys and me and another Latin guy. Just to start off, I really didn't want to do this show at the beginning since I was never into yo momma jokes. The only reason I did it was because the show people kept calling me to come do an interview so they could pitch me to MTV. I guess I should back up to the beginning.

My dad was having sex with my mom and got her pregnant and 9 months later I was born.... Ok maybe I went back too far. So a few weeks ago I went to a Yo Momma taping just to do background because I needed $75, my crack habit has gotten a little out of control. At the taping, I saw Leah and Miguel, two other comedians I know from the Bay Area. Leah had already shot an epsiode of Yo Momma and was back to root on the winner from her "hood". Hanging out with them, so that I didn't have to stand by myself and look like a loser, we talked to one of the casting people and he wanted me to try out for the show. So I did a taped tryout, using some of Miguel's jokes against some other people. I guess they liked my personality so they called me the next day and wanted me to come in for a taped interview that they could use for the show and to pitch me to mtv.

I avoided the phone calls for a week, because I didn't want to do the show. I figured I didn't have a chance since I don't know any yo momma jokes. Finally, after the producers called Miguel to get him to call me, I went in and did the interview figuring I'd have a couple of weeks to prepare some if I did get on the show. Plus I could use the little bit of money they give you to be on the show and the exposure couldn't hurt either, hopefully.

They call me two days later, last Friday and tell me I'm on the show AND the show films on Wednesday (today). Great, now I have less than a week to prepare. So I get a grip of jokes on Monday and start memorizing them at work Monday night. I really planned on working on jokes all day Tuesday. Unfortunately, I'm a lazy bastard and slept til 5 pm, watched tv til 10 pm and went back to sleep and woke up at 7 am. So I spent 7-9am going over material and getting dressed before picking up Miguel and heading to the film location.

We get to the location and I'm pissed because I haven't eaten and the craft table (the table where they put food) has only little snack stuff. I was expecting hot food and someone cooking omlettes, like on a real set. So I sit around for a couple of hours while they finish the other episode they are shooting.

Then they take the five of us and have us do little intros like I'm Robert, putting it down for Torrence, blah blah blah. Oh yeah, the show I shot was for the Torrence neighborhood, cuz each episode represents a different part of LA. I've never been to Torrence and don't know where the hell it is. But oh well, I'm putting it down for them.

So I wanted to say in my intro, "What's up, my name's Robert and there's no way I'm going to be Next'd... oh wait, this isn't that show..." I thought it'd be funny and different and I HATE the intros they have people always do on MTV shows. They are so corny. But I had to do a formula intro and then a bunch of starring at the camera like I was getting ready to fight, walking towards the camera, shadow boxing. Awesome stuff, i know.

Finally we all rehearse how we and the background people all enter. They are filming this in some abandoned warehouse with crackheads and other of my family members all on the sidewalk. If this is to represent Torrence, I sure as hell am never going there for real.
Finally they say, ok, who from Torrence wants to represent and the five of us emerge from the crowd. Then they do a free for all where anyone disses on anyone. Oh yeah, Wilmer isn't hosting this, he only hosts the finals, so there's a second host guy who is doing all the hosting.
So naturally, they all try to diss my weight. Nothing original and the other Mexican guy really has a hard on for me, because everyone of his jokes he tries to diss me. Unfortunately for him, he has a hideously pimple riddled face. I tell him he looks like he washes his face for rocks and that his lisp is so thick I need a translator to understand him. I tell another guy that his afro has more lumps than his mama's titties. I'm doing pretty well at the beginning, holding my own, and I ease up the second half in order to preserve jokes for the next round.

So the round ends and the host goes off and comes back and says he knows who the first person to go to the next round will be, but is having trouble deciding between two of us for the other person. So me and this other guy have to do one joke against each other in order to make it to the final round. He says my mom is like a toilet, short and full of shit. Which they make him redo, saying crap. I tell him his forehead is so sloped, it looks like he's recovering from down syndrome. The audience votes and I advance to the head on head round.

So it's me and this other guy and we just have to go back and forth at each other. It's pretty even at the beginning til I pull out some original jokes. I tell him his momma is so poor, Angelina Jolie adopted him. The place goes wild. Thanks to Miguel for giving me that gem. Then he says, you know what, you need that $1000 more than me. I guess he was trying to diss me and say I'm poor. I shoot back yeah I need it to take yo momma out, she raised her rates. That kind of sealed it for me. I guess I'm not suppose to say if I won or not... so I am keeping quiet...
So now, I have to face the winner from East LA. I guess it'll be us two for the final part of the show and the winner gets $1000 and goes to the Best of the Best show. Before then, we do a home invasion thing. The other guy will come to my place with Wilmer and look around to find things to diss me on and I'll go to his place to do the same thing. It's like a gay version of Room Raiders I guess.

So, that's my story. An innocent background actor being vaulted into a fierce dissing competition and doing pretty well so far. The next part films Dec. 3rd. If you'd like to go to the taping as part of my posse, let me know and I'll send you the information. Miguel and another person I met today were filmed seperately as my posse, so you can get your face onto MTV.
The show begins airing in February. Hopefully I'll get some quality air-time and who knows, maybe it'll lead to bigger and better things. If you want to share some yo momma jokes with me to use, feel free to comment on my blog.