RobVlog #3 - My new allergy

Drunk Dialing/Texting

I've mentioned this earlier this week. I really wish phones had a function where it will keep you from making outgoing calls or sending texts. Before you smart-asses say, yeah, just turn off the phone. No! I still want to be able to receive incoming texts and calls. Because what if someone calls for a bootycall??? You can't miss out on that! I mean it's never happened to me, but there's always hope...right? sigh...

Now, this application should let you add a timer onto it. So lets say it's 9pm and I start drinking, I'd set it to go off between 1am-5am, which is usually when I make my bad decisions. For example, I decided to accept my current job between those hours...so yeah, bad choices happen between those hours. Now, you may wonder, what if you get a bootycall, how can you respond??? Well this is where they add in an override feature. You have to complete a logic or math problem or something in order to override the lockout. For example, it'll ask "What is the capital of Montana?" I'm sure some of you are probably saying, damn, I don't know the answer to that sober. In which case, you're probably not very smart and shouldn't be having sex anyway, because we don't need you possibly breeding since we have enough stupid people in the world as it is. We don't need anymore Fox News viewers ok!

If your sober enough to do the override, then you should be ok enough to not completely embarrass yourself...hopefully. Orrrr, another option would be to put locks on certain numbers, such as your ex's or people who you have a tendency to call when drunk who you wish you didn't. That's probably the best option. Set your lockout timer and at that time, certain pre-determined numbers become locked so you can't text or call them. Brilliant! I should make an app for Iphone for this...if it doesn't already exist. Then I can become rich and afford escorts so I never have to worry about trying to get late night bootycalls again!

My problem though seems to be angry texts and calls that I make when drunk, usually to my ex. I then have to apologize the next day for telling her I hope a meteor crashes into Long Beach and knocks the city off the map.

Let me go through my daily Sunday morning, post booze routine. I look at my phone at the call log. I then see that someone called me, and unfortunately it's not a missed call, which means that I spoke to someone while I was drunk and don't recall the conversation at all. Unfortunately this past Sunday it was my ex, which is never a good thing to do when drunk. Then I have to call that person to see what I said and apologize for cussing them out and wishing death upon them and everyone they know, blah blah blah, you know, the typical drunken rant. Or is that just me? Then I have to call the people who I called, who always ends up being some random chick that I barely know or haven't talked to since high school and sheepishly apologize for asking to lick her toes and offering to buy her a vampire outfit to wear while she smacks my ass with licorice, blah blah blah, you know, the typical drunken smooth talking...

Here goes a call like that... "Oh hey...um...did I call you last night? Oh I did? Ha, I was sooo drunk, I don't even remember that. What did I say? (awkward pause...) Ohhh...I asked you to sleep with me? Wow. That's embarrassing...um... I know...I know your my cousin and that's wrong... I'm really sorry, I must have thought I was talking to someone else with your name...oh I said I wanted to be kissing cousins...wow...I say crazy shit while drunk...I mean technically we're not blood related though...yes, yes, I know it's still wrong....uh...I think I was ruffied actually so you know, it probably really messed up my thinking process...I was alone all night? Oh yeah...um...but I got my alcohol from my buddies place...and he's a prankster...so he must have slipped it in before I left....yeah...that's probably it...so umm...can you not tell anyone about this??? Please??? Ok...see you at the reunion...oh ok I will stay away from you from now on...that restraining order did go through huh? Interesting... ok...bye."

Then there's the text messages you sent out. For some reason, I always send text messages to the wrong person. In my head I'm sending out a mean text to cuss out an ex or a funny, charming text to try and get a girl to come over, but in reality I'm sending out something that looks like this "Yodoun souck adalid alkneniiigal dick lknadoiond" to an important business contact. It's like my fingers have a mind of it's own and when I get drunk my fingers get Tourette Syndrome. It just randomly cusses out or hits on random people in my phone book in drunk finger jibberish. So then you have to apologize to those people.

On the flip side, have you ever been sober and tried to see if a girl was interested in coming over, but in case it was inappropriate, you try to disguise your text to look like you were a little drunk. That way if they get upset, you can just say you were drunk and meant to send it to someone else? So instead of sending, "Hey, whatcha doing tonight? Maybe you should come over and have a drink with me?" you make it look like "hEyy, watchaa duin 2nite???? Cum ova anndd ddtnks with meee! :)" And then they respond with, "No, stop texting me, I'm your COUSIN sicko!" Or is that just me???

Do you have any drunk dialing stories? Share with me!

I think I'm going to turn this into a comedy bit, so tell me whatcha think.

Relationships: What do girls want? Why are you bitches so crazy! lol

Hey everyone!

I’ve been wanting to write this blog for awhile. Bear with me, it’ll probably be a long one. But it’s hopefully a topic that most of you are interested in and have an opinion you’d like to share. It’s about relationships, but from my point of view. Why is it so hard for me to find a good woman who doesn’t have too much baggage that gets in the way from having a healthy relationship with me? Why is it hard for someone to take a chance on me?

I’m tired of hearing about girls always going for “The bad boy.” I’ve let the “bad boy” come out in me. It’s not all it's cracked up to be. Trust me. I’ve just spent 9K in CASH in lawyer fees, and have nerve damage in my hand as a result of being the bad ass. Being bad is not worth it. Though he deserved an ass whooping, if I could go back, I wished I at least tried to talk it out first before resorting to kicking his ass (in self defense). If you’re always going for the bad boy, then you usually are going to end up being fucked over and bitter, which will be future baggage for when you finally decide to smarten up and get with a “good guy” like myself.

I've been hurt badly by an ex or 2, but I don't take out the hurt others have caused me on the next girl. I'm tired of girls punishing me for something an ex did to them. This is part of carrying baggage. Your baggage keeps you from appreciating what you got now, which is a step up from you last relationship. Learn from your mistakes and move on to better. Don't sabotage your relationship expecting the worse to happen because of what your ex did. Release the hate in your heart and fill it with the love of someone new.

I'm 28, and yes I prefer younger women because they are more likely to not have children and less baggage. But don’t get me wrong, I'm open to dating a single mother. My last relationship was with one. However, there are hardships that come with dating a single mom. Having to now deal with a 3rd person in the relationship. Babysitters, school, and baby daddy issues. The biggest fear I always had is that my ex would go back to her baby daddy because she wasn't over him or thought it'd be best to work it out with him for the child's sake. I was talking to my mom about it the other day. She told me that she was proud of me because it takes a big man to date someone with a child and treat that child as my own like I did. Her parents divorced when she was a teen and both of them remarried when she was young, so she knows firsthand how great it is for a mom to find a man who loves her and her children. This made me feel better about myself. Even though it's still something I'm not sure I'd do in the future. She'd have to be very special. I'd have to be confident that her relationship with the dad was over for good and she was open to committing to someone else.

I have a pet peeve about women who think a little too highly of themselves. Just because you have your life together, a great job, great house, car, education etc, humble yourself. You aren't the only fish in the sea. Stop thinking your better than everyone else. You might be beautiful, but this is LA, there’s always better looking. Open yourself up to meeting guys who don't right away fit into your typical "type". After all, if your type worked so well for you, then why are you still single?



I’ve humbled myself. I used to think I was the shit! Especially when I was in great shape. I admit it. Especially when I was younger. I had a Stanford degree, a job plus making money doing acting, I was a hilarious comedian, I was generally cute/good looking and charming. But I was too cocky and arrogant. I had to learn to humble myself. After spending a year of lonely nights, I realized that I needed to open myself up more. As much as I wanted my soul mate to be a Jessica Alba, I had to stop living in fantasy land.

I open myself to meeting girls of all ethnicities, backgrounds, etc. They may not have been my ideal mate on paper, but I still made a connection with them that could last a lifetime. Even if the relationship didn't work out, my life is a collage of experiences and relationships that makes me the man I am today. I lived with a girlfriend for 3 years. Though we realized we weren't meant to get married and broke up, I don't regret being with her and the times I spent with her. She made me a better person and hopefully I made her a better person. The experience from being together has allowed me to grow and take the lessons I've learned into future relationships so that I could become a better boyfriend.

I realize I'm not the picture perfect boyfriend look-wise. I'm not a model, I’m not a Ryan Reynolds. Right now, I'm a big guy who is cute, though I’m working out to get my super sexy on again ;). I've had girls write me off from the start based off of looks. I’m not the typical LA tall, dark and handsome guy that come a dime a dozen here. Attraction is important, but many shut off any possibilities from the start because they want a guy who looks like Channing Tatum. So they pass on guys like me and end up in a bad relationship with an abusive person who treats them like shit because the guy knows that with their looks they can get many girls and so they don't appreciate what they have. Obviously this isn’t always the case. There are great looking good guys out there, and if you have one, congrats. For the rest, you passed on someone who may not be a model, but has a huge personality and can make you laugh when your down and celebrate you when you’re up. I've made mistakes as a boyfriend, but I've learned to appreciate the person I'm with and be there for her through the ups and downs. Why is it so hard to find someone to reciprocate?

I've lived in superficial LA for 4 years. I've had 1 real relationship that ended badly because of her bad choices and baggage. I know there are great girls out there. I've met many who I would have loved to have had a future with, but they are usually already taken, or they live in another state which makes it difficult for them to take that chance on me.

Girls always complain that it's so hard to find a good man. But usually they are surrounded by good men and don't even realize it. Their instinct is to make a good man one of their friends. Perhaps it's so that you have that good man in your corner and don't risk losing him through a relationship. It's safer to keep him as a friend. You don't want to give him a chance at being romantically involved because as a good man, he's "safe". You want the guy who is hard to get, and has more edge. A bad boy. Because he's a challenge. And you think you can change him and make him settle down. Then you get screwed over and assume all men are like this. And then there’s that good guy friend of yours consoling you, and who would love nothing more than to treat you the way you deserve to be treated. But you are greedy. You know he's there for you, so you use him for the emotional support and attention that you never got from the assholes. One day you will open your eyes and finally see what you could of had all along. But by then, it may be too late. He won't wait around forever. And there's eventually going to be a wiser woman that comes along and sees what a great guy you had under your nose all along and grabs him. Then you'll be asking "why are all the good men taken or gay?” lol The real question is why did you take him for granted and only realize what you had once it was gone?

A woman usually wants to be best friends with their boyfriend. So if you two get along so well, why not be open to taking it to the next level. Guys usually only become friends with girls who they are attracted to from the start. Obviously there are exceptions, especially when it comes to work friends. But if you took a look at all my female friends, it's usually many who I was attracted to and for some reason or other, ended up just being friends with. Usually they wanted to keep me as a friend then take a risk at romance. But there's always hope that someday, we decide to try it on the physical level, if nothing more, just to see what it's like.

I'm a romantic. I'm not ashamed of that. When I have a gf, I treat her like a queen. I think of romantic ways to surprise her, whether it's something big like a trip or something little like leaving her a note to tell her how much I love her. Ask any of my ex's and they'll tell you. There's a reason why I'm friends with most of my ex's. It didn't work out romantically, but we still have that bond as friends. But don't get it twisted, I may be a romantic, but I'm still the man in the relationship. You will respect me. Not because I demand it, but because I earn it. I will protect my woman, I will fight for my woman. And as proven, if attacked I'll even beat someone's ass and go to jail for my woman. So being a good guy or a romantic guy doesn't mean he's also weak, a pushover, whipped, or a bitch. I like to think of myself as a well rounded boyfriend.

Why is it so hard to find a woman who can appreciate what I have to offer? I hear women talk about how hard it is for them to find a guy, yet I've asked them out for a drink before. Are you surprised that you haven't found a guy at one of the numerous clubs you hit up each week in Hollywood? Really? I heard someone claim chivalry is dead. Chivalry isn’t dead. You’re just looking in the wrong places and at the wrong people.

I don't care what you do for a living. I don't care how much money you make. I don't care what race you are. I don't care if you have a child. I don't know who my soul mate is, so that's why I leave myself open to finding her. My last ex was a single mom who was on unemployment and used to do hard drugs. I still saw beyond that for the person she really was and not the baggage she had around her. I fell in love and loved her more than anyone I've ever been with. It didn't work out. She had too much baggage for herself to deal with and I suffered as a result. She knew how great I was and appreciated how much I helped her out, whether it was helping pay an electric bill so her and her child had lights at home, or getting her a window AC when it was 100 degrees in their apartment, or taking her child to school after having just gotten off from working a 10 hour graveyard shift or spending the week at the hospital with her and sleeping in a chair next to her bed during the day and working at night. I gave her everything I had to give because I loved her and wanted to help make her a better person. But she wasn't able to get past her emotional baggage and damage from past relationships in order to reciprocate and ended up pushing me away because she wasn't mentally capable of being in a healthy relationship with me. Will she ever be able to be the woman I deserve by my side. Who knows? But I can't put my life on hold waiting. I may miss out on the true love of my life right?

As my friend Mallory said, "Girls are CRAZY." I feel that way too. What do you girls want? What are you looking for? I'm not a player… I just crush a lot. haha. But seriously, I've never been a player. I grew up in a stable, loving home with my parents who have been married 30 years and still hold hands when they walk together or when in the car together. They still take vacations together and eat together with my little brother as a family. That's what I grew up seeing so those are the values that I learned.

I will admit that I'm scared of marriage. Scared to death! What if she turns out to not be the one I'm meant to be with for life? What if I become unattracted to her? Marriage has always meant the end of adventure to me. I've lived so many adventures in life and I have so many adventures waiting for me in the future. Getting married means settling down. Especially if there's a child involved. But I'll hold off on my marriage thoughts for a future blog that I'll do with a friend of mine who is married.

So share with me your thoughts on this? What's your opinion? What's your advice? My cousin told me to never get with someone who doesn't already have what I have, ie job, money, goals, etc. I think this does make for a better relationship. I spent so much time, money, effort and energy trying to bring my last gf up in life through her misfortune, that I burnt myself out and wasn't able to enjoy just being a couple with her. I was always worrying about her getting enough money for rent and bills and getting her health better. It'd be nice to find a single girl who can match me emotionally, mentally, spiritually, intellectually, and financially. And hey, after the 9K I just spent in legal fees, it’s not too hard to match me financially anymore. J Someone who will be there with me as we travel the world. Someone who will work out and eat healthy with me so that I can get back into shape like I've been trying to do. Someone who is adventurous and will try new exotic foods with me. Someone who makes me feel on top of the world when I walk next to her at the Farmers Market holding hands and sneaking kisses. Wow, I'm so gay. haha...

Sorry if this blog rambled too much. I may have gotten off point. Hopefully it’s not too much of a personal ad or relationship bio of me. I’m just curious what others think based off your experiences. Have any experiences to share? Comment. What do you think I’m missing? Comment. What do you think about dating or relationships or romance? Comment.

Robert's Vlog #2: Meet Mr. Silver (plus weight loss update)

Hey everyone,

Here's vlog #2 with special guest Mr. Silver and weight loss update. As usual comments/suggestions/ideas welcome. Also, if you're on youtube, subscribe at http://www.youtube.com/stanfordcomic.

Persian Food, Persian People and Tanning

Hey peoples!

So I figured I'd include a written blog in between the video blogs. Man, now I know why everyone's Facebook and Myspace pictures are taken from a high angle. It cuts down on double chin action! So next vlog, I'm going to put the camera up on the roof of the building pointing down at me. :) In the past, I'd worry about how I looked, however, this time it's different. I want to show me, flaws and all, because when I lose the weight and everything, I can look back and get a true sense of my progress. Did anyone notice the big ass pimple on the side of my head. Good god! I forgot it was there until I watched the video. I was like, "Robert, stop looking to your right! It shows everytime you look over dammit!" It's one of those damn zits that take weeks to get rid of. Fortunately it's almost gone.

Yes, I realize that I'm extremely white in my Muscle and Fitness magazine picture. Or at least the main pic. I'm a little darker in the smaller pic, which is weird. Maybe I'm like one of those cars that have those paint jobs that turns different shades depending on the angle you look at it. From one angle, I'm a light skinned Spanish looking guy and from another angle I'm a migrant worker. I am naturally light skinned though because I'm half white. Growing up in Texas I was always playing football and baseball outside, which made me a lot darker. Now that I'm in California, I'm not outside much because I workout indoors and for acting reasons. Lets be honest, light skinned Hispanic actors get more work than dark skinned actors. It's also more "acceptable" for a light skinned actor to not have an accent, which I don't have. If I'm super dark, then I'll be going out for the laborer roles who they want to have an accent in order to appear more "authentic." It's part of the business and though I don't like it, I have to play along for now until I break in. So I try not to get too dark in order to be open for more roles. PLUS, by being lighter, I am able to be go out for other races such as Polynesian, Italian, etc. So that's why I've always tried to stay away from sun. Hating nature may also contribute to this haha. But after seeing those pictures, I think I may need to suntan a little in order to get some color on me, and at least even out the tan lines.

That picture in the magazine is actually an AFTER picture. Yes, I used to weigh 800 lbs, so it's quite an accomplishment hahahaa. Ok, maybe that's not true. I did start working out again. I've worked out everyday since last Monday, so going on 10 days straight. Being the nerd I am, I created this really elaborate spreadsheet for me to fill out each day that goes over everything I did that day and tracks my weight and measurements. This includes everything from: did I follow my diet that day, exercise, what kind of exercise, how long, did I submit for acting gigs, did I take my vitamins, floss, etc. So far it's motivated me to keep on track and doesn't allow me to forget to do something. You know, it's a struggle to remember to shower EVERY day, geez! :)

Hulu put up season one of 21 Jump Street. I'm so excited. I loved that show growing up. I really wish they'd bring the show back and put me in it. I would kick ass as the new Holly Robinson! haha I used to have a huge crush on her. That chick Johnny Depp is pretty cute too...wait what? That's a dude? Wow...that's awkward... I'm kind of ashamed for touching myself the way I did now...

Well this weekend I'll do another RVLOG! (Robert Vlog) What did you guys think of the last one? If you haven't seen it, check it out on my last blog on here or go to youtube.com/stanfordcomic and watch it and feel free to subscribe. Obviously, I'm just doing 1 take and whatever happens happens. I think that comes across more authentic and unrehearsed so you get an idea of how I really am.

I appreciate all the love you guys gave Mona...though come on, lets focus on ME a little more next time ok? haha jk. And of course her ego is huge now because of all the compliments. She thinks she's a star now. She's pretty cute I know. No, she's not my future roomie. She's still in college. She's only 21, which is crazy since I first hit on her 2 years ago when she was 19. hehe I know, I usually get try to get them right at 18, but I was a year late with her... She's been working out like crazy lately and looks incredible now, though she was always hot. So she's inspired me. Now I have to step my game up to keep up with her.

When I picked her up, I was like I'm hungry, take me to eat a type of food I've never had before! haha, yes I expect all my friends to know the history of every type of food I've ever had. So Mona is like, ooh, there's this great Mexican place... I'm like Mona, really?? Mexican??? COME ON!!!! Don't you think I've had Mexican before! haha Then she's like how about Persian? Since she's Persian, I thought she was hitting on me and immediately took my clothes off, which is an impressive feat to do while driving a mustang...but she meant Persian food. I'd never had Persian, so we went to this authentic Persian restaurant. It was soooo good! Except for this weird drink she ordered for me. It was a yogurt type drink called "Doogh" but was very sour with a hint of mint, and it was salty. Drinking it felt like a horse just blew a load into my mouth. It was pretty gross so I had to send it back and get a diet coke instead. But the rest of the meal was great. One appetizer was this crunchy rice with stew on top, I don't remember what it was called but it was awesome. They also had a belly dancer there and she had dollar bills sticking out of her skirt, so I had strip club flashbacks. I asked how much for a private dance but apparently the restaurant didn't have a VIP room...pssh LAME! Anyways, I can now mark Persian off the list. I really want to try Afghani food next.

Whoever I'm hanging out with on the weekend will be who makes a guest appearance in my RVLOG. If I appear alone, then you'll probably see an alcohol bottle as a guest star... But if you guys want to suggest any topics for me to touch on or suggestions for me to do something on a RVLOG just let me know, I'm always open to suggestions, comments, complaints, etc. And if you want to appear on a RVLOG with me, then let me know. It may require hanging out with me, just to warn you...sorry. And Saturday is usually my pants-less day... as well as Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday...

This weekend I think I'm going to sit out on my balcony and get some sun. I'll probably do this naked since nobody can see me in my balcony...and if they can...well Merry Early Christmas!!!!

This is "Doogh"

My New Vlogging!

Hey everyone,

So I know I haven't blogged in awhile. I mostly have been blogging on Facebook lately. However, I've decided to start doing a video blog... or "vlog", once a week.

So I'll upload the video onto youtube and then post the video into a blog on here. You can just watch it on here or you can subscribe to it on YouTube, whatever floats your boat!

I'm new to this, so please bear with me through the bumps while I figure it out. If you have any suggestions or comments, please feel free to share. Or if you have any requests or want me to talk about something, please let me know!

Robert