Robert the Grown Up!

Heyyyyy Bloggeritos!

It's been awhile. But my blogs have been getting some attention lately, and we all know how much of a whore I am for attention...so I'm back bitches!

Well it's official. Robert is growing up into a grown up. Soon I'm going to have to do grown up things like be responsible. I'll have to go do things such as buy life insurance, wear ties, carry a briefcase, use condoms...gahhh...being a grown up sucks!

I even started drinking coffee this week. I had my first cup of coffee at work Sunday night. I've never liked the taste of coffee but being the forgetful doofus that I am, I forgot my cocaine at home sitting next to the dead hooker on my bed...I mean the "allegedly" dead hooker on my allegedly "bed" (whew totally covered myself there) and needed something to keep me awake at work. So I had my first cup of coffee. I know, many people can't believe that I'm 22 years old (hehe) and haven't had a single cup of coffee. But it's true. I've never had the need to drink it before. I might be addicted to it now. I've had 3 whole cups this week! Hopefully I don't get addicted to coffee like all those years in elementary school when I was addicted to crack. It was so embarrassing being a 10 yr old chubby crackhead! I'm going to buy me a coffee maker tomorrow and learn how to make coffee. I feel like such a grown up now!

As a grown up, I also did my first jury duty service. I tried to get excused when I first got there for financial distress but was quickly rejected by the chick at the courthouse. She rejected me so quickly that by reflex I wondered if she thought I was asking for sex. She was a fat black chick too, so I had planned on flirting with her and showing a little ballsack but didn't even get a chance to unzip before being rejected. So I got put into the jury pool for a criminal trial for some gangbanger who was selling guns. He was guilty but I decided if they forced me to be on the jury I was going to say Not Guilty in hopes of sleeping with his hot latina lawyer. I've seen Boston Legal...I know how this works...

In the jury room they have computers you can use to go online. I tried to go to a porn site in hopes of getting kicked out, but they have the porn sites blocked. Cockblockers! The trial that I could have been placed on was going to last 5 days. That's 5 days of missed work making $15/day. There's no way I could do that and still pay my rent. It's so ridiculous that they expect people to be able to take a financial hit like that. My job doesn't pay jury duty, so I would be shit out of luck. When it came time for me to tell about myself I talked about how I was arrested last year and not treated well by the cops, thinking this would for sure get me excused. It didn't! The judge was like well those were Long Beach cops, I'm sure you have no problem with these cops since they are LA cops. I wanted to yell LA cops are worse! And a cop is still a cop no matter what city they're in. Putting a different badge on an asshole doesn't change the asshole.

Luckily the defendant took a plea bargain and they let us go home on the 2nd day. I made $15 from jury duty because they don't pay you for your first day of service. I spent $13 on breakfast and lunch that I had to buy there. So I made $2. On top of that, they were on my days off last week! Boooo justice system!

What else is happening...

My social life has been really good lately. I've been going out a lot. And if you don't believe me, please refer to my account balance of $1.66 that I have right now...I'm going to have to start saving up for my Vegas trip in August. Strippers aren't going to tip themselves, am I right ladies? fellas? yeah? yeah?

I went to a bikini bar recently in Hollywood called Golddiggers. The first hint of how ghetto-ly awesome this place was, is when we walked in the bouncer didn't even say anything to us or check our IDs. Then I walked in and it was like I was transported into a dingy Tijuana strip club circa 1995. It was awesome! The girls were drugged out hoodrats. They didn't strip, just wore bikini's. One by one they'd straggle up on stage, put their CD into the stereo (yes no DJ and they used CDs) and then walk over to the stripper pole and half ass a dance which was basically rubbing their ass up and down the pole. I absolutely loved it! I LOVE ghetto dive bar places where you never know if you're going to leave with a stab wound or hepatitis. I didn't spend very much time there, but plan to go back with Kiyo and will return with a full report.

I also went to this club in Silver Lake where they were having some kind of Tribe Called Quest theme night to celebrate their music or something. I don't really understand the point of that since they weren't ACTUALLY THERE! And I doubt they were busy that night, so they could have at least made an appearance! I walked into the dance room and it was like a sauna in there. I've never been to a club that was SOOOO HOT! I was wearing an undershirt and a scarf and instantly had to go to the restroom and strip down to 1 t-shirt. I was soaked with sweat because it was so hot in there. For $15 cover, the bastards could have turned on some A/C dammit! Everybody was soaked with sweat. It was 90% black people too. So the place smelled like a combination of funk and melted cocoa butter.

BTW, I've been having trouble sleeping. So thank you to everyone who has been posting statuses on the World Cup. They were boring enough to put me right to sleep! :) Let me give you my opinion on socc...snoooore....snooorrre....sorry I fell asleep just thinking about it...where was I...

Oh yeah, so Robert's a grown up now...and yes, I will now refer to myself in first person...oh wait, I messed it up...I mean Robert messed it up...wait... I've...Robert's confused himself...nevermind...

I'll blog more and maybe next time, I may just make it funny...cuz I don't think this blog came off very funny at all. Ohh well, you get what you pay for people! :) teeheehee

My Next Step?

I know it's been awhile since I've blogged. I really haven't had much to blog about.

Still working out everyday after work. Eating healthy for the most part. Slowly losing weight, shedding inches and gaining a lot of muscle. LOTS of muscle. I'm actually stronger now that I've ever been. I can even do 1.5 pull ups now! Which is pretty good considering how much weight I have to pull up!

Acting-wise, things have been great as far as auditions. I've been going on tons of auditions and really good auditions for lead roles in movies and recurring characters on major tv shows and networks. Unfortunately, I haven't booked anything yet. I went on 7 auditions in the last 8 days and if I don't book anything, then I'm too the point where I need to re-evaluate things.

Don't get me wrong, I know it can take years and hundreds of auditions before booking something and so far I've booked a decent amount of things, however, I haven't booked anything really big. Big enough that I can live solely as an actor. And there are two major reasons for that.

Reason 1 is that the number of auditions I have is limited while I'm still overweight. This I'm working on and it'll be dealt with by the end of the year.

Reason 2 is that I don't speak Spanish or have an accent.

Unfortunately, LA creativity is limited and the majority of the Latino roles out there are stereotypical roles where they want you to have an accent. Unless you are the main star such as Hugo on Lost or America Ferrera on Ugly Betty, they make you stereotypical Mexican with an accent. Think about it. Even on Ugly Betty, the majority of her family are all stereotypical Latinos. Casting directors and writers haven't evolved to the 3rd, 4th, 5th generation, American born Latinos where we are just like every other American in how we act, dress and talk, and many of us don't speak Spanish or have an accent.

So I feel like I've hit a wall in acting. I can continue to get little bit parts and commercials, however, to get a big supporting role, I have to be able to pull off a good accent. And the only way to work my way up to a lead role is to build up big supporting role credits.

At my audition today for a recurring role on HBO's Eastbound and Down, I auditioned to be the neighbor. A Latino with 3 kids, wife, living with a lot of extended family, you know, all the stereotypes. Unfortunately, I don't think my audition went well because when I have to do an accent, I think my acting ability goes down 30% because I'm concentrating on making a good accent as opposed to being natural in the audition and concentrating on being in the moment in the scene.

What can I do?

When I hit a road block, I try to be pro-active and come up with solutions. There are always more than one path to get to the end.

Here's 1 idea.

Get a great paying day job and give up acting, and focus on stand up comedy and use stand up as a way to break into acting as a lead role so that I'm accepted as I am and don't have to worry about getting an accent. This is really hard to do though, because how many latino stand up comedians do you see in the movies and on tv? George Lopez and Carlos Mencia. And it took them decades before they made it.

Second idea.

Move back to the Bay Area. Live with Kiyo. Get in shape since he would train me. Work during the day and make a lot more money and save up my money. Do stand up comedy at night just to keep at it and make extra money. Save up for a year. After a year move to Spain or South America and live there for a year teaching English and learning Spanish and an accent. Move back to LA and start back at acting with my new Spanish and accent that I can use for auditions, and with my new in shape body.

If I don't get anything by the end of the year, then I really think I will put plan 2 into action. Plus I think it'd be just a great experience to have while I'm still relatively young and single. I have no family or girlfriend in LA, so there's not much attachment to keep me here besides acting and a few friends, most of whom I never see anymore now that I work weekends.

Right now I'm brainstorming. I may even just get a regular job now and not do any acting, so I can save up and move to Spain or South America sooner. Plus I'm really not happy with my work hours.

On another note, I'm dating again. I know, I was gonna wait a year. But I couldn't help myself. So I'm back on the market. But that's another story for another day.

So online family. What do you think of my potential moves? Ideas? Words of wisdom? Suggestions? I'm open to anything at this point. I'm pretty frustrated and feel like I need to do something to give myself more of an advantage in these auditions. I know I have the talent, I'm just missing the accent, which is holding me back from booking so many more roles.

Next week if I don't hear back on any auditions I'm going to meet with my agent and tell her the plan. So it's time for me to really think about what my next step is going to be.

Special Thanksgiving RobVlog

I did a special thanksgiving blog since I'm alone and bored. Check out my feast! Try not to be jealous lol.

My trip to Mexico City to film a movie

Hey everyone,



Just to warn you, this is going to be a long ass blog about my trip.
It's more for me to have as a "journal" of my experience and for those
of you interested in how things went and what happened and to get a
first hand account of what it was like in Mexico and not just what is
reported in the news.



I'm back from Mexico! To start off, it was an incredible trip and I
met incredible people who I will hopefully continue to know for a long
time. What made this trip even better was that it was to film a movie
and completely paid for and I even made money as a result. My goal has
been to do 1 international trip per year plus many other trips around
the United States. As many of you know, this year has been the worst
I've ever had and even though I was able to do trips to Tahoe, Austin,
Dallas, Vegas and New Orleans, I had to cancel the trip me and Kiyo
were hoping to do to the Caribbean in December after I went to jail and
had to file for bankruptcy because of legal fees and then losing my job
last month. So my mindset was just get through the end of the year and
enjoy my 3 weeks in Texas and come back in 2010 and basically start
over and try to rebuild my life.



Last Monday while I was sitting at my bankruptcy hearing, I checked my
email on my phone and saw an email with the subject "Hello from
Mexico." Fortunately I didn't delete it as was my first instinct,
thinking it was spam. I read it and it was from a director in Mexico,
Gerardo Naranjo, telling me that he was shooting a short film in Mexico
City and he was searching for actors online and came across my comedy
video and wants to fly me down to film. To be honest, it was so random
that I thought it may be a scam of some kind. But who knows, it could
be legit, so I told him I was interested and to contact my agent to
work out the business details. A couple of hours later, my agent calls
and tells me they called her and emailed her and so she's negotiating
to get this amount for me, plus her commission on top, plus air fair, a
4 star hotel, and per diem. So I'm like ok, in the email he said it
wasn't a commercial, so they didn't have a large budget, so most likely
they aren't going to afford all that, so don't get my hopes up.



The next day she calls and says it's a done deal and I'll be flying to
Mexico that Thursday. Everything happened so quickly that I could
barely believe it was happening. Especially with how bad things have
been, I'm no longer use to anything good happening. I had already
accepted the idea that I wasn't going to book anything in 2009, which
would have been the first year in the last 7 years that I didn't book a
commercial, tv show or film. And now all of a sudden I'm being flown to
Mexico to film a movie for a role that I didn't even audition for!
Hopefully my luck is turning around!



I'm given 3 options for flights. Gerardo tells me that I can fly back
after the shoot on Friday or stay and fly back on Saturday. Obviously
I pick to fly back on Saturday so that I can go out Friday night. I
was under the impression that one or two other actors are being flown
in as well, so hopefully we can all go out Friday night.



I arrive to Mexico City on Thursday and stumble my way around through
customs. Outside of customs Julio is waiting for me with my name on a
sign which makes me feel like a big shot lol. Julio works for the
production team and drives me to my hotel. Mauricio Katz is there to
meet me. Him and Gerardo are the writers and producers of the film.
He checks me into my hotel which is pretty nice and gives me my $1000
pesos per diem, which is like $77 US Dollar. I check in and settle
in. The area seems nice which makes me feel better, because going down
there all I could think about was the news I always read about how
dangerous Mexico is and how the cartels run the streets and kidnappings
are very common. But they picked a hotel located in Colonia Roma,
which I was assured was a very safe area. The area reminded me of
North Hollywood. Very artistic feeling. There were huge fountains in
the park in front of my hotel. Two university campuses were also
across the street. So it was nice.

I think hotels get an extra star if they put towel animals on your bed.
I think this is 2 swans having sex or 2 snakes about to fight.

Since phone calls were expensive, me and Mauricio and Gerardo
communicated through email for everything. I sat in my room watching
the Simpson in Spanish and resting up until Mauricio and Gerardo showed
up and took me to dinner for some delicious tacos and to discuss the
script and the characters. They had written a rough script, but wanted
me to come up with ideas for how to make it a little more humorous and
to say things as I would say them, using American slang. So I spent
all night rewriting the script and punching it up with ideas that could
be funny.



Ok, so let me explain what this project is. They have gotten 10 of the
top directors in Mexico to each do a 9-10 minute short that talks about
their idea of Mexican Revolution. And from my impression, it'll be
political and against the current government and how the government
isn't as great as they claim to be. In Mexico, a lot of the films,
plays, etc are political and against the government. Then, all the
shorts will be combined into one feature film that will be released in
Mexico, as well as into film festivals such as Berlin and American film
festivals. So I'll basically be in a Mexican feature film and he said
they would try to bring me out to any American festivals. Though I was
like, um, screw the American festivals, bring me to BERLIN!!!

Me and director Gerardo Naranjo. Doesn't he look like a director!

The short film I'm in is about a Mexican woman, played by the beautiful
Adriana Paz (more on her later), trying to make it into the United
States. Her van breaks down and she starts walking, when a jeep full
of minutemen drive up and attack her. Other Mexicans who were hiding
come out and attack the minuteman, killing 2 of them. They start
pulling one of the minuteman behind the jeep but scatter when a Border
Patrol truck pulls up. The border patrol agent sees Adriana, but lets
her go, even though he tells dispatch that he didn't see anyone. Then
it cuts to me in the border patrol office watching the film of this
happening. I call the officer in, who is also a friend of mine and
basically for 6 minutes I have a monologue where I chew him out, etc.
So basically all the talking in the short is done by me. The other
actor is a Mexican actor who didn't speak English, so they had to teach
him to say his two lines to me during my speech. It was a little hard
at times, because I would be like ok, say your line AFTER I say this
word. But then he'd say it too early or too late, etc. I'm sure it'll
be fixed in editing.

My new friend, the beautiful and hilarious actress, Adriana Paz.

So, I was the only actor that was flown in which is a lot of pressure,
because the whole short rides on my acting and my improv and being
funny.



We shot it on Friday and they really liked my work and told me that
they are working on another feature film for next year and they have a
role that they'd like me for. Oh yeah, and Gerardo's last two films he
directed were Executive Produced by Mexican superstar actor Gael Garcia
Bernal (Motorcycle Diaries, Y Tu Mama Tambien, Amores Perros). He's so
huge there, when I was watching tv, every 20 minutes during a
commercial break they would wish Gael a happy birthday and then show
clips from his movies. So Gerardo is a well respected director/film
maker and his last two films have won awards at festivals. He's a good
person to get in with.



And what's great about Mexican filmmakers is that they are very loyal
to actors they like. They will use them in films and help make them
famous. The style of filmmaking in Mexico is also very different.
It's very laid back. In the United States, time is money! Everything
has to be on schedule and if they run behind schedule people flip out,
because it costs more money. In Mexico it's different. Thursday night
he was like ok, we'll pick you up at 10am...no 9am to be safe. So on
Friday, 9am comes, then 10am comes and I get an email that they are
running late and will pick me up at 11am. I finally get picked up and
chill on set for a few hours in costume. Finally around 3pm they are
ready to film. But then pizza arrives for lunch, so they take a break
to eat. Finally it's ready to film, we shoot the scene all in one
take, so each take is 10 minutes and I have to do my whole 6 min speech
in one take. I do a couple of takes, then they take a smoke break.
And so on. I finally end up doing 6 takes and we finish around
6:30pm. I also really liked his style of directing. He basically
tells you, ok, he wants you to get to point A to B to C to D. However
you decide to get there is up to you. So as an actor, you are free to
improv and try different things. After a take, he'll go over what he
liked and anything he didn't think would work for the film and ideas
for things to try. So it was very freeing as an actor which I think
allows for a better performance. I think it also allowed me to be
funnier. Going into it, I thought it was going to be a very serious
and dramatic role. But by the end, it was serious mixed with natural
humor, which is why they decided to find a comedian.

Border Patrol Officer Gonzalez. On set.

So during the shoot, there wasn't anyone to really talk to, because I
was the only American and nobody was very fluent in English. Then
towards the end, I started talking to Adriana and found out she spoke
pretty decent English. I was asking her what she was up to afterwards
and she said she was going to a play. I thought she meant she was
going to be in the play, so I was like cool, I wanna come see it. Then
I found out she was actually going to SEE a play with some friends and
I ended up inviting myself along...hehe... Adriana is one of the
coolest chicks I've ever met. She's a working actress in Mexico and
has been in 8-9 feature films. She's nominated for the Mexican version
of an Oscar for her last film that she did, so she's an actual legit
actress. And she's pretty hot.



We get to this play which is like a one man show. He does characters
and sings songs and interacts with the audience. I, of course, have no
idea what he's saying, but it's still fun to watch. Her group of
friends is all guys, unfortunately, including her boyfriend and her
brother. Her brother is a photographer is extremely cool. Luckily
they all speak English pretty well, so I'm able to talk to them and get
to know them.

Me, Adriana and her awesome brother.

After the play, Adriana invites me to go with her and
her boyfriend to a house party that is also a wrap party for her last
film. So I'm like sure! Despite not knowing anyone or being able to
speak Spanish, I was determined to go out and meet people and have fun
and adventure. The party is cool. Lots of 80s music that they love.
I get introduced to another actor guy, I can't remember his name, so
I'll call him Juan. He's a funny guy and tells me he's gonna email me
his contacts that he has for casting people who work in LA. We talk
about where the finest girls in Mexico are, etc. Which is strange at
first, because I'm almost positive he was gay. But who knows. At this
point, I'm starving. I hadn't eaten since 9am that morning. I've been
drinking tons of Mexican beer all night at the party. There's this
beer called Indio that's the best beer I've ever had. They also give
me a shot of something called Mezcal. I'm like is it tequila? And
they say no, it's stronger. They really can't explain to me what it
is, but someone compares it to gasolina. I drink it and am pretty
buzzed from not eating and all the beer and then this Mezcal.



The party was cool. I did my best at my international game. I talked
to many girls who didn't speak English and did my best, but the
majority of them had guys with them there and the last group of girls I
tried talking to were lesbians, which I didn't find out til
afterwards. Everyone was really nice and cool. I explained to Adriana
and Juan the concept of being my wingwoman and wingman, so they did
their best to help out. I was talking to one girl who didn't speak
English but had kept looking over at me and smiling. She had a guy
with her, but I was like screw it, lets see what happens. I start
talking to her but we don't understand each other, so I take her over
to Juan and like a good wingman, he translates for us.

3am after the party. Adrana's boyfriend, Adriana, "Juan" and me.

At 3am it's time to go. Adriana tells me that Juan lives in the area
where my hotel is, so he would take me back. I say by to Adriana, and
hope that it's not the last time I see her. She is so awesome. Very
fun to be around and funny. Even though she wasn't fluent in English,
she still got my humor and was able to joke around with me and talk to
me about acting, etc. She hopes to get a Visa soon so that she can
come to LA and do acting.



I get into Juan's car. Now Juan has been drinking with me a the party
beer for beer. He also gets into the car with a beer that he's
drinking. The car keeps dinging because the driver side door doesn't
close all the way and his headlights don't work. Plus in Mexico,
driving there is crazy. I don't even know why they have lanes, because
people drive however they want. So it was a scary drive back, but he
fortunately had no trouble driving and got me back to the hotel safely
and didn't try to rape me. lol



Saturday I walked around the neighborhood and took pics. I checked out
at noon and Gerardo and his beautiful girlfriend Ana, who was also the
costume designer for the film, came by and got me and brought me back
to his house to hang out til the taxi came and got me for the airport.
His house is incredible. I could definitely live in Mexico if I was
living in a place like that. Plus his maid was HOT! I was like damn.




One funny thing I noticed was that lots of hot girls there were dating
ugly ass dudes. So if your an ugly dude, you should go to Mexico. I
guess that's why nobody got with me...I'm just too damn good looking!
lol



I barely made it back home. Even though I got there 2 hours early, I
was sitting at the gate they told me. Flight leaves at 4:55 and I am
engrossed in my The Lost Symbol book by Dan Brown cuz it's at the end
where everything happens. I look at the time and it's 4:35pm and I'm
like hmm...they should have boarded by now. I look around and everyone
is gone so I start walking to the other gates and see a sign for Alaska
airlines, but the other info has already been removed. I go up and ask
if they are going to Los Angeles and they are like yes, hurry. They
check my luggage by hand before I board the plane, which is new to
me. Even though they xray, they still hand check your stuff right
before you get onto the plane. I'm the very last person to get on the
plane, so if I was 5 minutes later, I would have missed my flight.
Another thing I found out is that they don't make you take your shoes
off when going through the metal detector. How did I find out? I got
in line and took my shoes off and felt stupid when I looked around and
saw that I was the only person with my shoes off...



That was my trip. Everything went smoothly. I made some good money
and had a great time and got my international trip after all. I hope
that I am put into his next film so that I go back. I've posted pics
if you'd like to see them. I should get more pics soon of me on set.
I don't know the name of what the film will be called, because they
still have to put all the shorts together, but once I do, I will let
you guys know. I should get a copy of the short though towards the end
of the year. And hopefully Adriana will make it to LA someday so I can
see her again...and hopefully she doesn't come with her boyfriend! :)



Hopefully this is just the start of great things and my bad luck has finally ran it's course.

The food was awesome!

RobVlog #3 - My new allergy

Drunk Dialing/Texting

I've mentioned this earlier this week. I really wish phones had a function where it will keep you from making outgoing calls or sending texts. Before you smart-asses say, yeah, just turn off the phone. No! I still want to be able to receive incoming texts and calls. Because what if someone calls for a bootycall??? You can't miss out on that! I mean it's never happened to me, but there's always hope...right? sigh...

Now, this application should let you add a timer onto it. So lets say it's 9pm and I start drinking, I'd set it to go off between 1am-5am, which is usually when I make my bad decisions. For example, I decided to accept my current job between those hours...so yeah, bad choices happen between those hours. Now, you may wonder, what if you get a bootycall, how can you respond??? Well this is where they add in an override feature. You have to complete a logic or math problem or something in order to override the lockout. For example, it'll ask "What is the capital of Montana?" I'm sure some of you are probably saying, damn, I don't know the answer to that sober. In which case, you're probably not very smart and shouldn't be having sex anyway, because we don't need you possibly breeding since we have enough stupid people in the world as it is. We don't need anymore Fox News viewers ok!

If your sober enough to do the override, then you should be ok enough to not completely embarrass yourself...hopefully. Orrrr, another option would be to put locks on certain numbers, such as your ex's or people who you have a tendency to call when drunk who you wish you didn't. That's probably the best option. Set your lockout timer and at that time, certain pre-determined numbers become locked so you can't text or call them. Brilliant! I should make an app for Iphone for this...if it doesn't already exist. Then I can become rich and afford escorts so I never have to worry about trying to get late night bootycalls again!

My problem though seems to be angry texts and calls that I make when drunk, usually to my ex. I then have to apologize the next day for telling her I hope a meteor crashes into Long Beach and knocks the city off the map.

Let me go through my daily Sunday morning, post booze routine. I look at my phone at the call log. I then see that someone called me, and unfortunately it's not a missed call, which means that I spoke to someone while I was drunk and don't recall the conversation at all. Unfortunately this past Sunday it was my ex, which is never a good thing to do when drunk. Then I have to call that person to see what I said and apologize for cussing them out and wishing death upon them and everyone they know, blah blah blah, you know, the typical drunken rant. Or is that just me? Then I have to call the people who I called, who always ends up being some random chick that I barely know or haven't talked to since high school and sheepishly apologize for asking to lick her toes and offering to buy her a vampire outfit to wear while she smacks my ass with licorice, blah blah blah, you know, the typical drunken smooth talking...

Here goes a call like that... "Oh hey...um...did I call you last night? Oh I did? Ha, I was sooo drunk, I don't even remember that. What did I say? (awkward pause...) Ohhh...I asked you to sleep with me? Wow. That's embarrassing...um... I know...I know your my cousin and that's wrong... I'm really sorry, I must have thought I was talking to someone else with your name...oh I said I wanted to be kissing cousins...wow...I say crazy shit while drunk...I mean technically we're not blood related though...yes, yes, I know it's still wrong....uh...I think I was ruffied actually so you know, it probably really messed up my thinking process...I was alone all night? Oh yeah...um...but I got my alcohol from my buddies place...and he's a prankster...so he must have slipped it in before I left....yeah...that's probably it...so umm...can you not tell anyone about this??? Please??? Ok...see you at the reunion...oh ok I will stay away from you from now on...that restraining order did go through huh? Interesting... ok...bye."

Then there's the text messages you sent out. For some reason, I always send text messages to the wrong person. In my head I'm sending out a mean text to cuss out an ex or a funny, charming text to try and get a girl to come over, but in reality I'm sending out something that looks like this "Yodoun souck adalid alkneniiigal dick lknadoiond" to an important business contact. It's like my fingers have a mind of it's own and when I get drunk my fingers get Tourette Syndrome. It just randomly cusses out or hits on random people in my phone book in drunk finger jibberish. So then you have to apologize to those people.

On the flip side, have you ever been sober and tried to see if a girl was interested in coming over, but in case it was inappropriate, you try to disguise your text to look like you were a little drunk. That way if they get upset, you can just say you were drunk and meant to send it to someone else? So instead of sending, "Hey, whatcha doing tonight? Maybe you should come over and have a drink with me?" you make it look like "hEyy, watchaa duin 2nite???? Cum ova anndd ddtnks with meee! :)" And then they respond with, "No, stop texting me, I'm your COUSIN sicko!" Or is that just me???

Do you have any drunk dialing stories? Share with me!

I think I'm going to turn this into a comedy bit, so tell me whatcha think.

Relationships: What do girls want? Why are you bitches so crazy! lol

Hey everyone!

I’ve been wanting to write this blog for awhile. Bear with me, it’ll probably be a long one. But it’s hopefully a topic that most of you are interested in and have an opinion you’d like to share. It’s about relationships, but from my point of view. Why is it so hard for me to find a good woman who doesn’t have too much baggage that gets in the way from having a healthy relationship with me? Why is it hard for someone to take a chance on me?

I’m tired of hearing about girls always going for “The bad boy.” I’ve let the “bad boy” come out in me. It’s not all it's cracked up to be. Trust me. I’ve just spent 9K in CASH in lawyer fees, and have nerve damage in my hand as a result of being the bad ass. Being bad is not worth it. Though he deserved an ass whooping, if I could go back, I wished I at least tried to talk it out first before resorting to kicking his ass (in self defense). If you’re always going for the bad boy, then you usually are going to end up being fucked over and bitter, which will be future baggage for when you finally decide to smarten up and get with a “good guy” like myself.

I've been hurt badly by an ex or 2, but I don't take out the hurt others have caused me on the next girl. I'm tired of girls punishing me for something an ex did to them. This is part of carrying baggage. Your baggage keeps you from appreciating what you got now, which is a step up from you last relationship. Learn from your mistakes and move on to better. Don't sabotage your relationship expecting the worse to happen because of what your ex did. Release the hate in your heart and fill it with the love of someone new.

I'm 28, and yes I prefer younger women because they are more likely to not have children and less baggage. But don’t get me wrong, I'm open to dating a single mother. My last relationship was with one. However, there are hardships that come with dating a single mom. Having to now deal with a 3rd person in the relationship. Babysitters, school, and baby daddy issues. The biggest fear I always had is that my ex would go back to her baby daddy because she wasn't over him or thought it'd be best to work it out with him for the child's sake. I was talking to my mom about it the other day. She told me that she was proud of me because it takes a big man to date someone with a child and treat that child as my own like I did. Her parents divorced when she was a teen and both of them remarried when she was young, so she knows firsthand how great it is for a mom to find a man who loves her and her children. This made me feel better about myself. Even though it's still something I'm not sure I'd do in the future. She'd have to be very special. I'd have to be confident that her relationship with the dad was over for good and she was open to committing to someone else.

I have a pet peeve about women who think a little too highly of themselves. Just because you have your life together, a great job, great house, car, education etc, humble yourself. You aren't the only fish in the sea. Stop thinking your better than everyone else. You might be beautiful, but this is LA, there’s always better looking. Open yourself up to meeting guys who don't right away fit into your typical "type". After all, if your type worked so well for you, then why are you still single?



I’ve humbled myself. I used to think I was the shit! Especially when I was in great shape. I admit it. Especially when I was younger. I had a Stanford degree, a job plus making money doing acting, I was a hilarious comedian, I was generally cute/good looking and charming. But I was too cocky and arrogant. I had to learn to humble myself. After spending a year of lonely nights, I realized that I needed to open myself up more. As much as I wanted my soul mate to be a Jessica Alba, I had to stop living in fantasy land.

I open myself to meeting girls of all ethnicities, backgrounds, etc. They may not have been my ideal mate on paper, but I still made a connection with them that could last a lifetime. Even if the relationship didn't work out, my life is a collage of experiences and relationships that makes me the man I am today. I lived with a girlfriend for 3 years. Though we realized we weren't meant to get married and broke up, I don't regret being with her and the times I spent with her. She made me a better person and hopefully I made her a better person. The experience from being together has allowed me to grow and take the lessons I've learned into future relationships so that I could become a better boyfriend.

I realize I'm not the picture perfect boyfriend look-wise. I'm not a model, I’m not a Ryan Reynolds. Right now, I'm a big guy who is cute, though I’m working out to get my super sexy on again ;). I've had girls write me off from the start based off of looks. I’m not the typical LA tall, dark and handsome guy that come a dime a dozen here. Attraction is important, but many shut off any possibilities from the start because they want a guy who looks like Channing Tatum. So they pass on guys like me and end up in a bad relationship with an abusive person who treats them like shit because the guy knows that with their looks they can get many girls and so they don't appreciate what they have. Obviously this isn’t always the case. There are great looking good guys out there, and if you have one, congrats. For the rest, you passed on someone who may not be a model, but has a huge personality and can make you laugh when your down and celebrate you when you’re up. I've made mistakes as a boyfriend, but I've learned to appreciate the person I'm with and be there for her through the ups and downs. Why is it so hard to find someone to reciprocate?

I've lived in superficial LA for 4 years. I've had 1 real relationship that ended badly because of her bad choices and baggage. I know there are great girls out there. I've met many who I would have loved to have had a future with, but they are usually already taken, or they live in another state which makes it difficult for them to take that chance on me.

Girls always complain that it's so hard to find a good man. But usually they are surrounded by good men and don't even realize it. Their instinct is to make a good man one of their friends. Perhaps it's so that you have that good man in your corner and don't risk losing him through a relationship. It's safer to keep him as a friend. You don't want to give him a chance at being romantically involved because as a good man, he's "safe". You want the guy who is hard to get, and has more edge. A bad boy. Because he's a challenge. And you think you can change him and make him settle down. Then you get screwed over and assume all men are like this. And then there’s that good guy friend of yours consoling you, and who would love nothing more than to treat you the way you deserve to be treated. But you are greedy. You know he's there for you, so you use him for the emotional support and attention that you never got from the assholes. One day you will open your eyes and finally see what you could of had all along. But by then, it may be too late. He won't wait around forever. And there's eventually going to be a wiser woman that comes along and sees what a great guy you had under your nose all along and grabs him. Then you'll be asking "why are all the good men taken or gay?” lol The real question is why did you take him for granted and only realize what you had once it was gone?

A woman usually wants to be best friends with their boyfriend. So if you two get along so well, why not be open to taking it to the next level. Guys usually only become friends with girls who they are attracted to from the start. Obviously there are exceptions, especially when it comes to work friends. But if you took a look at all my female friends, it's usually many who I was attracted to and for some reason or other, ended up just being friends with. Usually they wanted to keep me as a friend then take a risk at romance. But there's always hope that someday, we decide to try it on the physical level, if nothing more, just to see what it's like.

I'm a romantic. I'm not ashamed of that. When I have a gf, I treat her like a queen. I think of romantic ways to surprise her, whether it's something big like a trip or something little like leaving her a note to tell her how much I love her. Ask any of my ex's and they'll tell you. There's a reason why I'm friends with most of my ex's. It didn't work out romantically, but we still have that bond as friends. But don't get it twisted, I may be a romantic, but I'm still the man in the relationship. You will respect me. Not because I demand it, but because I earn it. I will protect my woman, I will fight for my woman. And as proven, if attacked I'll even beat someone's ass and go to jail for my woman. So being a good guy or a romantic guy doesn't mean he's also weak, a pushover, whipped, or a bitch. I like to think of myself as a well rounded boyfriend.

Why is it so hard to find a woman who can appreciate what I have to offer? I hear women talk about how hard it is for them to find a guy, yet I've asked them out for a drink before. Are you surprised that you haven't found a guy at one of the numerous clubs you hit up each week in Hollywood? Really? I heard someone claim chivalry is dead. Chivalry isn’t dead. You’re just looking in the wrong places and at the wrong people.

I don't care what you do for a living. I don't care how much money you make. I don't care what race you are. I don't care if you have a child. I don't know who my soul mate is, so that's why I leave myself open to finding her. My last ex was a single mom who was on unemployment and used to do hard drugs. I still saw beyond that for the person she really was and not the baggage she had around her. I fell in love and loved her more than anyone I've ever been with. It didn't work out. She had too much baggage for herself to deal with and I suffered as a result. She knew how great I was and appreciated how much I helped her out, whether it was helping pay an electric bill so her and her child had lights at home, or getting her a window AC when it was 100 degrees in their apartment, or taking her child to school after having just gotten off from working a 10 hour graveyard shift or spending the week at the hospital with her and sleeping in a chair next to her bed during the day and working at night. I gave her everything I had to give because I loved her and wanted to help make her a better person. But she wasn't able to get past her emotional baggage and damage from past relationships in order to reciprocate and ended up pushing me away because she wasn't mentally capable of being in a healthy relationship with me. Will she ever be able to be the woman I deserve by my side. Who knows? But I can't put my life on hold waiting. I may miss out on the true love of my life right?

As my friend Mallory said, "Girls are CRAZY." I feel that way too. What do you girls want? What are you looking for? I'm not a player… I just crush a lot. haha. But seriously, I've never been a player. I grew up in a stable, loving home with my parents who have been married 30 years and still hold hands when they walk together or when in the car together. They still take vacations together and eat together with my little brother as a family. That's what I grew up seeing so those are the values that I learned.

I will admit that I'm scared of marriage. Scared to death! What if she turns out to not be the one I'm meant to be with for life? What if I become unattracted to her? Marriage has always meant the end of adventure to me. I've lived so many adventures in life and I have so many adventures waiting for me in the future. Getting married means settling down. Especially if there's a child involved. But I'll hold off on my marriage thoughts for a future blog that I'll do with a friend of mine who is married.

So share with me your thoughts on this? What's your opinion? What's your advice? My cousin told me to never get with someone who doesn't already have what I have, ie job, money, goals, etc. I think this does make for a better relationship. I spent so much time, money, effort and energy trying to bring my last gf up in life through her misfortune, that I burnt myself out and wasn't able to enjoy just being a couple with her. I was always worrying about her getting enough money for rent and bills and getting her health better. It'd be nice to find a single girl who can match me emotionally, mentally, spiritually, intellectually, and financially. And hey, after the 9K I just spent in legal fees, it’s not too hard to match me financially anymore. J Someone who will be there with me as we travel the world. Someone who will work out and eat healthy with me so that I can get back into shape like I've been trying to do. Someone who is adventurous and will try new exotic foods with me. Someone who makes me feel on top of the world when I walk next to her at the Farmers Market holding hands and sneaking kisses. Wow, I'm so gay. haha...

Sorry if this blog rambled too much. I may have gotten off point. Hopefully it’s not too much of a personal ad or relationship bio of me. I’m just curious what others think based off your experiences. Have any experiences to share? Comment. What do you think I’m missing? Comment. What do you think about dating or relationships or romance? Comment.