Pshh...I dunno vato...

Even though I'm mixed, let's face it, I look 100% Mexican. But I have absolutely no accent. There's people from Africa who can do a better Spanish accent that I can, it's really irritating. Lot's of people say I sound Black...or white, depending on if I'm using proper English or not. I really wish I knew how to speak Spanish because everyone assumes that I do. And I tried learning Spanish in school, but I went to black schools, so I ended up learning Black Spanish, or as I call it, Ebonicos.Ghetto black people speaking Spanish is horrible. First of all, they don't call it Spanish, they call it speaking Mexican. "You speak Mexican? Yeah dog, yo speak-o Mexican-o." That's what Ebonicos is, adding an "o" to every other word. "Let's go to the store-o." "Let's eat faijita-os." Fajitas is already in Spanish homeboy-o.Latinos in LA are really bad. They get mad at you if you don't speak Spanish. Sorry Jose, I guess I missed the memo that said Spanish was the official language of LA. Excuse me, I had assumed the official language was Korean. I live near Koreatown where every damn sign is a symbol. I've learned that every Korean store is Korean Bar B Q. Don't Koreans eat anything besides Bar B Q? There are 5 on every block. I guess they are big fans of the Atkins diet in Korea. That's how they stay so slim.But back to what I was talking about, I don't even know why I learned English. I haven't been able to use it once in LA. It's a dead language like Latin out here.I have no idea how to respond when strangers come up to me and talk to me in Spanish. I'm like a deer caught in headlights. And the thing is, I never stop them at the very beginning and say "Sorry, but I don't speak Spanish." I nod in agreement and let them continue on and on until they eventually stop to wait for an answer or response. For some reason, I always think that if I listen closely I'll magically understand what they say and be able to respond in fluent Spanish. I've had people talk to me for five minutes and then at the very end, I just say "pshh, I dunno vato." It doesn't matter what they say. They could be asking me if I love having sex with guys or telling me that their child is dying and the only chance to live is if I call 911. Either way, they are going to get a "pshh, I dunno vato." Maybe an extra "Quiero Taco Bell" if I'm feeling extra Mexicany that day.